Before I ever knew this was actually a proven thing, I knew it in my heart. The thought came to me because many men think because they work all day they have a right to be tired and you as “just a mom” don’t.
As much as I love my children, I would yearn that my fiance got to go to work every day while I had to stay home with a new baby and kids, while cooking, cleaning, and doing everything else for the home.
I technically still work 2 nights a week, Friday and Saturday nights, then I don’t get much sleep and I have to do whatever most families do on the weekends as well. I get to sleep until about 11 am, after getting home and getting to bed around 7am.
I still understand what it feels like to be a stay-at-home-mom because I don’t work full-time, and couldn’t work during my pregnancy.
I know being stuck at home all week can make you depressed, feeling trapped, and not having the feeling of going out to look forward to.
Plus, since COVID-19, I have lost my job, and I’m 100% at home now.
The study shows that SAHM’s have more anger and sadness than working moms.
“SAHMS might struggle with these feelings more than working moms, according to a Gallup analysis of more than 60,000 U.S. women between the ages of 18 and 64 (before retirement age) interviewed in 2012.”
The study showed that 28 percent of SAHM’s felt depression most of the day, compared to only 17 percent of working moms.
Then, within the group, 26 percent of SAHM’s said they felt overall depression, while 16 percent of working moms said they felt that way.
Then the next one is of no surprise, not having your own money is hard, it goes against what you are taught to be as an independent adult person. So 41 percent of home mommy’s reported that they worry, while only 34 percent of working mom’s stated this.
The study compared employed women without children to employed women with children and it showed that the numbers were almost the same for emotions like depression and worry.
Why is all of this?
I know the “experts” want to try to explain why they think this is, but unless they actually experienced it they have no idea.
They try to explain the reasoning for all of these numbers is because people don’t expect the change that children bring to their lives. That would make sense if working moms and SAHMs had similar statistics, compared to employed childless women, but they don’t.
So that isn’t it and does not make sense.
One of the reasons that actually does make sense, is the feeling of under-appreciation and accomplishment. We all know what we are doing is amazing, but we seem to be the only ones. It’s just expected of us.
A lot of the times, it seems we are non-stop busy all day long, moving constantly. Then it looks as if nothing is done because it’s a full time job keeping kids from trying to kill themselves, or clean their constant terror of messes.
No one notices what you do, unless you let it get to full blown apocalyptic level (which I recommend you do for a week, if you feel under appreciated).
The funny thing about that statement, is yeah, we don’t get those kinds of days off, we work extra hard on those days. On holidays we have the meals, the gifts, and being a host to family.
Then usually when one person is sick, everyone is sick, so usually, you are trying to nurse yourself back to health while also having a little person cough into your eyes or puke in your lap. Not to mention your significant other acting like a giant baby as well.
Cabin Fever or Isolation
Working moms get to go out into the world, they have relationships with other adults, whether it’s professional or not. They have skills, and have a skillful trait about themselves they get to use outside the home.
As a SAHM, our whole life is just being a mom, and trying to have any friends that are working moms, or not parents at all, is exceptionally hard.
If we have adult interaction at all, besides our significant other, it’s a miracle!
“Kids are great, (but) having conversations with children only over the course of the day can be isolating,” says Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo, a psychologist and mother of two. “Social isolation can often lead to feeling sad and resentful.”
What Can Help
“They” say what can help is to make a list of the stay-at-home-mom’s accomplishments of the day, but we are so busy to do that and the problem is we know what we accomplish, we don’t need a list.
Another problem is no one cares what we accomplish and they just expect it, like cleaning or cooking, because “we aren’t working”.
Trying to talk to your significant other can help, so that they make you feel a little more appreciated. Let them know how you are feeling, because you never know, they might not even realize you feel how you do.
Join a mom’s group, hobby group, or playgroup (easier said than done) can help get you out there. I have been there and tried that, it’s not that easy, but maybe you will have better luck than me.
You need to find a mom that is just as broken down as you are, and make a time that you guys swap kids. One day for 4 hours they get all the kids, and one day for 4 hours you do.
This is a good idea actually, I need to try this.
Stay-at-home-mom’s have their moments, but it doesn’t mean we don’t love our jobs. It is very fulfilling, and at the end of the day we won’t get this time back with our children, so it makes it all worth it.
Remember, it takes a village, and you aren’t alone.